Hearts in Caitlins Notebook
by Carlaeme26
Summary: Caitlin returns and Julian and her discover new things about their relationship.
1. Hearts in Caitlins Notebook

**Authors Note: This is the first time I have ever written anything, so I kept it short. I do have more to add if you all like it.**

 **Enjoy!**

 **Chapter 1.**

3 weeks have gone by since Caitlin had left the team to find herself, since Barry had entered the speed force and they put HR in the ground. What was left of the team was still trying to fix up STAR labs from the latest explosion. Iris was tired of eating fast food in between STAR labs and trying to keep her job. Barry had told her to hold on and keep running. She was trying, trying so hard. But for tonight she wanted a break; to go out and be waited on, if only for a few hours.

Iris walked in the cortex and found Cisco and Julian busy working. She looked at Cisco. He looked lost. He had been distant since Barry left; he lost both his best friends in one day, as well as HR. Cisco would never admit to liking HR but he really did. But then there was Julian, he looked awful. Hair not cut and a mess, eyes with dark circles like he had not been sleeping. He looked thinner then he had before, "Was that even possible?" she thought to herself. She had never really talked much to him, but if she was going to lead the team it was time she started. She walked over to him and touched him on the shoulder.

"You're not sleeping are you?" Iris whispered.

"I sleep." Julian retorted. After a moment he looked at Iris and added "Okay, not well."

"I think we all could use a break. Don't you? How about we all walk down to that nice steak house a few blocks away for dinner?" Iris said to him and Cisco.

Cisco stood up and thought "Oh,no." But said nothing, of course Iris didn't know. How could she. Quickly he tried to change the venue, "How about Chinese, instead?"

Iris looked to Julian for his opinion. He was frozen in place, staring straight ahead; lost in thought.

Iris asked "Julian what's wrong?"

"Sorry, I'm not hungry." Julian stammered, as he practically ran from the room.

Iris looked at Cisco, "What did I say?"

"Julian took Caitlin to that steak house on their first date." Cisco explained.

Iris felt awful, "I didn't know."

"How could you? You were a little busy. Besides they had decided to take things slowly after everything that Caitlin has been though the past 2 years. Along with all that was going on, I just don't think Julian's heart ever got the message."

Iris found Julian in the lab he and Caitlin had shared. He was sitting at his work station staring at his phone, a picture of Caitlin the day they went to Gorilla City on it. "She looks happy there."

Julian turned his phone off. "We were on a date."

"I am so sorry Julian, I know how much you miss her. She will come back. I am sure she will."

"It's all my fault Iris. Perhaps if I had not joined the team, had worked harder on finding a cure or been a better doctor." Julian begin crying. He felt like a school boy, not a man. All he seemed to do lately was cry.

"It's hardly all your fault Julian." Iris tried to console him. "You did find a cure. She chose not to use it. Besides you never expected or planned on being a trauma surgeon. I think you did remarkably well."

"But her necklace!" he protested.

Iris cut him off, "Any one of us would have done the some thing being faced with that. You saved her life."

"I was being selfish Iris, not heroic."

"And who could blame you. You're in love with her."

"Yes, well she made it quit clear, not once but twice, that she does not love me. Perhaps my father is right and it is time for me to stop playing American, go home and reclaim my title. I can hear him now telling me how no woman in her right mind would want a complete sod like me with out it." Julian gave Iris a nervous smile, "Maybe it is time for young Lord Albert to go home."

Iris placed both hands on his shoulders and turned his chair around to face her. "You listen to me, Lord Albert! First of all your father is wrong you do not need a title to make someone want you. I have no idea what a sod is, but I am sure you are not one!" Julian let out a small soft chuckle.

Iris continued "Second, Caitlin does love you. That day in the hall was just Frost being mean. At the cemetery she never said that she didn't love you, just that she needed time."

Iris walked over to Caitlin's work station. "All you have to do is look around. Her digital frame, full of pictures of you. The scarf you lent her when it was cold, still hanging on the back of her chair. The only card on display, the Valentine you sent from England, and look at her notebook." She picked one up and took it over to him. "When she is working out a problem, she doodles. Open it."

Julian took the book and reluctantly opened it up. On the first page in the upper right hand corner was his name with little hearts all around it. On the next page just a heart in the middle, formulas all over the page, but a J in the middle of the heart. He found similar things on the next few pages, but on the 7th page he stopped, staring at the only thing written on the page, "I love Julian." He felt his heart pounding and impossibly he cried even harder.

Iris looked at the page, "I think that says it all." she told him. "Julian, we will set everything right. I promise. We will help Wally find his place; Cisco and Gypsy will figure out a way around the road blocks in front of them. We will get Barry out of the speed force, and Caitlin will find her way back to you. I am not saying it will be fast. It may take weeks, months or longer. I am not saying it will be easy. There will be challenges and mountains to overcome and climb. At times it may seem impossible, but we will come out of this."

Julian closed the book and put it on his desk. He wiped his face and stood up. "I think Chinese sounds great." Together they went to find Cisco and Harry. As they walked past the steak house, Julian stopped to take a picture. He sent it as a text to Caitlin, with the words "Wish you were here". As he caught up with the group he told Cisco, "I might as well take a chance and see what happens."

 **I know this was not really Snowbert, mostly just Julian and may have been out of character for Iris, but it felt right having her talk to him rather then Cisco. What do you think?**


	2. Caitlins Return

**Authors note: Thank you to everyone who reviewed and read my story. As some one who has never written, it was wonderful to see all the interest Caitlin's notebook got. Here is chapter 2. (wow chapter 2! who would have thought)**

Chapter 2 Caitlin Returns

The morning was chilly, but you could tell it was going to be a beautiful day. Julian was on his morning run, and for a reason he could not explain, he just felt like this Wednesday was going to be better then the last few. It was the end of June, and the July 4th weekend was coming up. Although, not a holiday he celebrated at home, he loved watching the festivities here in the States this time of year. He had promised Cisco that he would to see the fireworks with him Sunday night.

For the first 3 weeks after Caitlin left, he had tried everything to make him self forget her and "get over it" like his mother told him. But, no matter how hard he tried, that was just not going to happen, not that quickly any way. So, he had decided after Iris had shown him her notebook, to just stop fighting it. He knew she would either come back or she would not, and one day, he would finally fall asleep without thinking about her. One day she would not be the first thing on his mind when he woke up, and one day he would have to struggle to remember the exact color of her eyes. But, for now, for right now, he was just going to live.

He settled into a routine; every morning up at 5 for his run, from his apartment to hers and back. He would knock on the door. There was never an answer, and he didn't really know what he would say if there was, but he knocked anyway. Then breakfast, and off to the CCPD for the day. He changed his working hours from 10 - 7 to 8 - 5. That way he had more time at STAR labs. Since he was covering both his work and Barry's at CCPD, he couldn't just come and go as he pleased. Lunch was spent at the tables outside Jitters; if he was honest with himself he was hoping to see Caitlin. After work he headed to STAR labs and had dinner with Cisco. He would go home every night by 9 unless there was a reason he had to stay later. Without fail, before he went to bed every night, he would text Caitlin. She never responded, but he did it anyway. Some times it was just Hello, other times he would tell her about his day.

This morning while running his phone buzzed in his pocket. He pulled it out expecting it to be work calling him in early. Julian stopped to look at it and had to catch his breath when he saw who it was, Caitlin; she had finally texted him back after 7 weeks. His heart was racing and not just from the run. His hands started shaking and he almost dropped the phone trying to unlock it. "Hey you." That's all it said, "Hey you." "Do I respond, and with what?" He said out loud to no one really, just thinking out loud. After a few minutes of nervous thought, writing and deleting texts he finally settled with, "Hi, How are you?" He stood there staring at the phone waiting for a response, but nothing happened. He finally put the phone back in his pocket and continued running. He was almost to her place anyway, maybe she will actually be there this morning.

Once he got to her apartment building, he ran up the stairs taking them 2 at time. He had to pace around for a few minutes trying to slow his breathing, so he could talk to her. Then he knocked; nothing. Julian waiting for another minute, then knocked again. Just when he was getting ready to leave, the door opened. Caitlin stood there with her hair half wet and a brush in her hand.

"Sorry," she said, "I was blow drying my hair." Only then did Caitlin look up and see him. She let out a small gasp, and their eyes locked. Neither said a word for a few seconds, until finally Caitlin said, "Julian, what are you doing here?"

"I was just on my run, when I got your message. So I thought I would come by and see how you are." Julian was trying to get his heart rate down, but it kept wanting to race out of control.

Caitlin smiled and blushed a little, "That was really sweet of you, but you didn't have to."

"I know I didn't have to. I wanted to." Julian smiled. Caitlin thought to herself "Damn, there is that smile that would make me tell military secrets, if I had them." But to Julian said, "Would you like something to drink?"

"Sure, um, water if you don't mind." Caitlin opened the door wider, so Julian could come in. Suddenly, the last time he was here hit her hard. It had been early in February, before he had to go back to London for family reasons. She remembered him asking if he could kiss her goodnight, but her telling him that she wanted to take things slowly. She remembered the disappointment that had flickered in his eyes, but then the understanding that followed. Suddenly she felt a small twinge of Frost on her fingers, and had to take a deep breath to fight it back. Her powers fueled themselves off her emotions, but she had gotten really good at controlling them.

Julian stood in the entry way; unsure if he should sit at the table or just wait in the kitchen. He choose the kitchen. Not much had changed in the small apartment. It was tidy like always, and smelled like her soap from the shower. He watched her in the kitchen getting the water from the fridge, and couldn't fight the thought of pushing her up against it and kissing her. Caitlin handed him his water pulling him out of his day dream.

"Why don't you sit down." Caitlin said gesturing at the table.

Julian drank some of the water, then joined her at her kitchen table. "How have you been?"

"Good." Caitlin took a deep breath, "It's been a long road figuring out how to control my powers. They seem to feed off my emotions, so I have been working on that."

"Emotions like fear and anger?" Julian wondered which emotions the powers fed from the most.

Caitlin sat back in her chair, "Mostly, but I have found they feed off of all my emotions. The negative ones just seem to be more powerful."

"So fear and anger, but do you mean things like being sad?" Julian took another drink.

"Yes, sad and lonely. Good ones will feed them also, they are just easier to control." She started rearranging her mail which lay on the table. "I have been working with my mother trying to expose myself to as many emotions as we can. But we thought I really needed to get back, so I can expose myself to everything. I thought the team could help the best with that."

Julian finished the water, "You're going back to STAR labs then?"

"Yes. I was planning on calling Cisco in a little while and going in." Caitlin thought about the messages that she got from him and Cisco the day she left, "Is Barry still gone?"

"Yeah, but Cisco is not giving up, he will figure things out some how." Julian said while standing up. "I suppose I will see you later. I have to get home so I am not late for work."

Caitlin stood also, she took the glass into the kitchen then walked to the front door with Julian. "You will be coming by STAR labs later your self." She stated rather then asked.

"Absolutely, every night." Julian paused a moment not sure if he should, but then decided what the hell. He reached down and pulled Caitlin to him into a tight hug. He whispered into her hair, "I am so glad your home. I missed you." Then quickly opened the door and left. He was afraid to look back. He just wanted that moment for himself; with the memory of how she felt in his arms, and the scent of her hair still in his mind while he ran home.

Caitlin hugged him back, and honestly feeling a little longing when he broke the hug. She wanted to tell him to stay, and then felt the frost on her fingers again. This time it took a deeper breath to get control. She looked at her hands, "Guess I wasn't ready for those emotions, was I" she told herself. "Better get control of that one, and quick." Caitlin shut the door, and finished getting ready: then called Cisco.

Caitlin and Cisco spent most of the day working on using her powers, so they could see what she could do with them. Caitlin was delighted that being with him never caused her to loose control. In fact, the only time she had problems was that morning with Julian.

"So it didn't happen again after he left?" Cisco asked, a look of deep thought on his face.

"Only the 2 times. I have had no trouble controlling everything today." Caitlin told him as she sat down beside him.

Cisco put is hands behind his head, "Well go on, what did he do to cause it." He had a devilish smile.

"Not what your thinking!" Caitlin hit his arm, "The first time was just memories. The look on his face when I asked him to take things slow. The other time was after he hugged me."

"So the hugged caused it?"

"Not really; more like the feeling I got when he pulled away." Caitlin looked at her hands.

"Desire, passion...maybe the L word." Cisco was teasing her.

Caitlin looked shocked, "The L word? I did kind of wish it had lasted longer, so maybe longing."

"I meant Love." Cisco snickered, "but longing works to."

Caitlin seemed to look flustered. She looked at her hands. Cisco noticed she looked like she was concentrating really hard on something. "Let's try something. I want you to think about what it was like when he was hugging you."

"What?"

"Just close your eyes and imagine him holding you." Caitlin did as her friend asked and closed her eyes. It wasn't all that hard to think about. It had been at the back of her mind all day. Cisco looked at her hands. Nothing was happening.

"Think about him Caitlin. How did he smell; was he breathing hard; did he say anything?" Cisco was trying to give her prompts.

Caitlin remembered that he had been running; but she wouldn't say he smelled sweaty, more musky. She liked the way he smelled, but would be keeping that to herself. "He was breathing a little hard, but he had also been running. He said he missed me."

"You seem in control right now. Think of how you felt when he let go." Cisco pushed.

Caitlin's fingers had a little frost circling around them now. She took a deep breath. "So defiantly the feeling of sadness when he let go did it." Cisco said, "Interesting, now imagine what it would have been like if he had kissed you and not just walked away."

Suddenly Caitlin's hands were completely covered in frost. She opened her eyes and they were icy blue. She took a few deep breaths, closed her eyes and got control.

"Sorry Cisco, I am fine." Caitlin was trying to reassure herself.

"Caitlin, you need to be honest with yourself. Did you want Julian to kiss you, or would it have pissed you off? Which emotion was that?"

Caitlin sat back down, and thought for a minute. She looked at Cisco; a very small blue ring around the brown in her eyes. "I wanted him to kiss me, I think, because it would not have upset me if he had."

"I would say you know what emotions you still need to work on then, and Julian is the only person who is going to be able to help with that."

/

Julian finished his run, and seemed to day dream through the rest of his day. Before he knew it 5pm was settling upon him. He grabbed his things and practically ran to his car. He couldn't remember the drive to STAR labs, only his excitement that Caitlin would be there when he arrived. Once inside, he felt a little disappointment when she was not in the main cortex. He looked in their lab. Not there either. Maybe the medical bay. Nope. He decided to see if they were in Cisco's lab. He knew she had been there, because Cisco had texted him after she showed up, to tell his friend that she had come home.

Julian stopped out side the lab when he heard them talking.

"I wanted him to kiss me, I think, because it would not have upset me if he had."

"I would say you know what emotions you still need to work on then, and Julian is the only person who is going to be able to help with that."

Julian decided to go in, he didn't like the idea of eavesdropping on them. "Hello, glad you made it in." He said as he walked over to Caitlin and gave her a quick hug.

Caitlin stood up and took a step back. She looked nervous, "I am going to check on the medical bay, I haven't made it in there yet. Lord only knows what you two have done to the place. Oh, we ordered pizza Julian. Iris went to get." She left the room.

"How much did you hear?" Cisco asked.

Julian looked at his friend, "Something about emotions only I can help with." He gave Cisco a nervous smile. "I am in big trouble, aren't I?"

"I don't know, it might be fun!" Cisco said with that snarky smile of his.

 **I have so many ideas of which way to go from here. Let me know if you would like to read more.**


	3. Her Ancher

**Sorry it took so long to get this out. But it was super hard to write. Then I went and posted it with out saving my proof reading changes. Sorry guys!**

Her Anchor

Julian went into the medical bay, he had some samples in there that he had been working with and wanted to make sure Caitlin didn't mind him storing them in there. This wasn't work he really wanted to do back at the CCPD, but he would if it made her uneasy. When he got in there it looked like she was inventorying supplies.

"I tried to make sure we replenished anything that got used. I am in no way the Doctor you are, but I tried." Julian told her nervously.

Caitlin looked up from the clipboard, "I am sure you did just fine Julian."

"Just the same, I am glad your here. Now if we have more then a few scrapes and bumps, some one who knows what they are dong will be able to take care of it. Besides, we both know my bedside manner needs work." Julian laughed lightly at himself.

Caitlin smiled at Julian. She starting thinking of all her comments about his bedside manner. "I kind of liked your bedside manner the last time I laid on that bed."

Julian scoffed, "Oh, yes. Ripping off your pendent and putting you through all of this the last 4 months, was bloody brilliant."

Caitlin walked over to him and ran her fingers through his hair, "I meant when you kissed me Julian."

Julian closed his eyes enjoying her touch. After a moment he noticed her hand getting cold. When she pulled her hand away, he opened his eyes; caught her hand in his ignoring the icy feeling. He looked in her eyes and pleaded with her, "Please try Caitlin." He now held both her hands in his; not looking away from her eyes. It only took a couple of seconds, and her hands were warm again. Julian laced the fingers of his left hand into hers, and reached up to touch her cheek with his right. His finger tips had just touched her when they heard Cisco yell that dinner was there. Just like that Caitlin pulled away from him, laid the clipboard down, and bolted from the room. Julian stood there a moment alone; cursing himself for being so timid.

They had a meta human to deal with after dinner, but nothing to serious. Caitlin could see why Cisco wanted Barry back so badly, other then being one his best friends; they really needed their leader back. Julian tried hard to give direction from the command center, but Iris and he didn't always agree on the best course of action. Wally and Cisco both seemed to be missing something while out fighting, making her determined to get out there with them sooner rather then later, but knew no matter what she would add: they needed Barry.

Once they had handled the meta, Julian looked at the time. It was almost 10:30. "Unfortunately, my day job will not understand if I over sleep and am late." Julian grabbed his things, turned to Cisco, "That was a good job tonight, mate." Not very good at the encouraging, thing he clapped Wally on the back, then turned to Caitlin. Julian pushed her hair off her shoulder, and let the back of his hand brush her cheek. He looked into those brown eyes he had fallen in love with, " Breakfast in the morning, say 7? Yes?"

Caitlin said, "Yes." while leaning into his touch. When he pulled his hand away, she bit her bottom lip, and watched him leave. Although small she couldn't stop thinking about that act of affection. It was just enough to keep him on her mind until she went to bed. "That sneaky Brit." she thought while trying to sleep, realizing she had been thinking about it now for almost 2 hours and having no frost problems. "Well played Dr. Albert."

By Saturday morning Caitlin woke up and found she had nothing to do. The team was going to take the holiday weekend off and enjoy themselves. The only one working today was Julian. The CCPD was observing the holiday on Monday, which meant he had to work today. Caitlin was sitting on her porch drinking a cup of coffee when she realized that she had not had an "incident" (as she had started to call them) since Wednesday night. She had become comfortable holding Julian's hand, and even letting him playing with her hair. She smiled at her self deciding, she would take lunch to him at work, not wanting to wait until dinner to see him.

When Caitlin walked in, Julian was putting files away, " Hey you!" he said when he saw her, "What brings you by?"

"I thought we could have lunch together." Caitlin blushed realizing what a very "couple" thing she had just done.

Julian walked over, "Thanks I would love it." He pushed his chair around to the other side of his desk so they could sit together. The afternoon was the most enjoyable he had had in a while. When they were done eating Julian stood to help Caitlin put things away. He accidentally grabbed her hand instead of the salt and decided not to let go. With his other hand he took the salt from her and intertwined their fingers. Caitlin looked up at him, into those amazing blue eyes, that changed shades with his mood. Right now, the blue was intense. Julian put his other hand on Caitlin's right cheek brushing his fingers behind her ear, and stroking her cheek with his thumb. He kept his eyes focused on hers, waiting for any signal from her to stop.

Julian leaned down "Slowly, Albert." he kept telling himself; afraid he would be the one to loose control not Caitlin. Honestly, kissing her was all he seemed able to think about lately. Finally, he brushed his lips across hers lightly. Julian hesitated for a second: took a deep breath then pressed his lips to hers firmly. He let go of her hand to put his arm around her, and pull her closer to him. Caitlin let out a small sigh running her hands up his chest, and clutching tightly to his vest. Julian forgot he was suppose to be going slowly, he moved his hand into her hair deepening the kiss with a moan. He had been wanting this for so long. Needing it even longer. His heart was racing as he felt cold on his chest, but didn't care. She was finally in his arms; finally his.

Caitlin didn't want to let go; kissing Julian was better then she had dreamed it would be. She tried to concentrate, stay in control, but was only able to keep the frost on her hands (but not go away). She moved her hands from his chest and put them around his neck. Julian reacted by moving both arms around her at her waist and pulling her to him until there was no space left between them, and kissing her even harder. After a few seconds Caitlin felt all control go away, and had to push herself away. It took Julian a few deep breaths of warm air before he was able to open is eyes and focus on the fact that Caitlin was grabbing her purse and heading for the door.

Julian reached for Caitlin's hand, "Don't go, please don't go! Caitlin, I am so sorry!"

"Don't!" Was the only word Caitlin could think of. "Let me leave." and she walked out the door.

Julian thought about following her, but she had said not too. He respected her wishes and fell into his chair, tears burning his eyes. "Bloody hell, I am not crying, I am not crying." He kept telling himself as tears slowly ran down his face.

Caitlin didn't get half way to her car before she had regained control. She sat in her car, unable to move knowing that right now Julian was up in his office blaming himself for what had happened. She finally picked up her phone and sent him a text. "This was not your fault. Please, just give me a little alone time." The next 20 seconds waiting for his response seemed like an hour to her.

Finally, his text came through, "I'm terribly sorry. Please tell me you're okay." She responded back with, "I'm fine. I will call later." Caitlin put her phone in her purse and started driving; to where she didn't know. She just wanted to be alone. She heard the phone beep, telling her she got another text from Julian, but didn't want to read it right now. She drove around for 30 minutes ending up at the park. She got out of her car and sat on one of the swings watching the people setting up for the festivities tomorrow. Caitlin felt lost, truly lost for the first time since all this had happened. She tried to put her finger on exactly what was causing her to loose control when it came to Julian. Cisco had suggested Love, but as she sat there thinking about him, she was in perfect control. Caitlin realized when ever she thought about him she was in perfect control. In fact, when she looked back at the last 6 months, it had always been either thoughts of Julian, or his words that kept her in control.

But did she love him? She knew why she had originally asked him to join the team; to help her get rid of her powers. She had always admired and liked him, even though most people found him boorish and rude. She found him endearing and sensitive. Caitlin thought about everything she had been through the past year. Before he joined the team her closest confidant had always been Cisco, but once Julian joined the team he slowly crept into her life and replaced him. Not by anything he had done. She had started texting him every morning to say hello; he just happily responded with out fail. She had invited him out the first time. She had started texting every night to let him know she made it home okay. In fact it was Julian she wanted to tell first whenever anything happened. Nothing was real, until she had told him.

Caitlin looked at a kite flying in the sky, and followed the lead to the family flying it. The couple looked happy as they watched their little girl anchoring her kite. Her first thought was "Julian would love doing that one day." That's when it finally hit her, she loved him. Caitlin loved Julian! She looked at her hands, then looked at the kite again. "My anchor." she thought. "Julian is my anchor!"


	4. July 4th

**A/N Thank you so much to every one who has read and or reviewed. I really appreciate it so much. Is any one else as bummed as I am that Julian is not in season 4? Well that only made me want to read more Snowbert and finish this chapter. Hope you all enjoy!**

 **PS: It was mentioned to me by a friend that I am suppose to add the disclaimer that I do not own the characters, so here it is.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own The Flash or its Characters**

Chapter Four: July 4th

Julian waited by the concession stand at exactly 3 pm. That was the decided time for the group to meet at the park. Julian was always on time; he hated being late, for anything. He fidgeted with the buttons of his shirt. He had decided on tan pants, and a black polo style shirt. He was glad he had left his sport coat in the car, but was now wishing he had not worn black. "3:03. Where the bloody hell are they?" He looked around the park as the festivities were in full swing. A band, food, firecrackers, water balloons, and kids running around. Everyone was having a great time. Everyone, except Julian. "3:05. How long am I suppose to just stand here?" He was getting irritated. Julian looked at his phone again. He still had not heard whether Caitlin was going to show up. After she ran out of his office yesterday, he had only heard briefly from her, telling him she was fine, and would call later. She never called. He had sent her a text at 6:50, since they were suppose to go out for dinner, and asked if she was still up for it. She never texted. He was trying hard to give her the alone time she had asked for, but was starting to get really scared. He almost had decided not to come today, but she had been part of the party who had said they would be here. "Here's hoping." He had said to him self when he got out of the car. "3:09. This isn't even my bloody holiday!"

Finally, just has he was ready to start sending snarky texts to people, he saw Joe and Cecile. Joe walked up, and shook his hand apologizing for being late, "Parking was crazy. We decided to go back to the CCPD and walk."

"Yes, that's why I got here early." Julian told the older man. "Is Iris coming?"

Joe just shook his head, "No, she wasn't feeling up to it. Said it was more important to be on the look out, back at STAR labs, just in case."

"Can't get her to take a break, even for the whole weekend, huh." Cisco cut in, as he walked up to the group. He tried to hand Julian a lemonade "Julian here, Julian, you home?"

Julian had glanced to the left to look at Cisco; but over Cisco's left shoulder, he saw Caitlin walking up. He lost all train of thought, and became memorized by the strapless pale yellow swing style sun dress Caitlin was wearing. Her hair in a messy pony tail, left hair blowing around her face. Julian couldn't help but, watch the pale yellow material sway back and fourth, around mid thigh, while she walked. He noticed, instead of her normal heels, she was wearing flat sandals. He had to admit he liked it better when she wore flat shoes. He wasn't so old fashioned that he thought a women "had" to be shorter than a man. But in the heels, they were almost the same height. When she was flat footed she only came to his nose, and for some reason, he just liked holding her at that height a little better. Not that he had gotten too many chances to hold her at any height. Something always got in the way.

Cisco turned to see what he friend was almost drooling over. "Hey, there's Caitlin. Maybe, she wants your lemonade."

"What?" Julian asked Cisco.

"Lemonade, I got you one." Cisco pushed the large plastic cup into Julian's hand.

Just then Julian realized how dry his mouth had become, but before he took a drink, Caitlin was hugging Cecile. He didn't know why that put him off a little. Sure, this was the first time the two women had seen each other since Caitlin had come back to the team, but wasn't he her boyfriend? He decided to act like he hadn't noticed her walking up to group, took a drink, and almost spit it out. "I thought you said this was lemonade, not yellow sugar water!"

"I love the lemonade they serve in the park!" Caitlin said brightly, as if she had been standing there the whole time. She moved over by Julian, and locked his eyes with hers, while taking the straw with her fingers. She kept his stare, purposefully putting the straw between her lips as slowly as she could, taking a sip of the sweet liquid. She licked her bottom lip; never breaking eye contact with him. Caitlin put her right hand on his chest for support, pushed up onto her toes, and kissed him. She kissed him in a way that seemed to be telling any one looking, "See this man, the Brit who always seems to over dress for everything, he's mine." When Caitlin pulled away, she bit his bottom lip, and pulled it gently while lowering herself back to standing flat. Julian leaned forward like he was chasing after her lips, and slowly let his eyes flutter back open, unable to speak.

"Well, that just happened." Cisco said, then gave Caitlin a warm hug, happy to see her still in control. Other then Julian, he was the only other person who knew that she was having trouble with control when it came to a certain blond British CSI. Cisco whispered in Caitlin's ear, "Did you figured out your problem?"

"Yep." Caitlin pulled him off to the side a couple of feet. "He keeps me grounded." Caitlin bit her bottom lip, not really wanting to admit the truth. She sighs deeply. "Your right, Cisco, I love him." She smiles knowing admitting it is the only way to face the truth, and gain control.

"So, what's your plan?"

"Oh, I plan to flirt!" Caitlin looked over at Julian, who hadn't taken his eyes off her yet. She got a devilish smile, "Flirt a lot!" She went over to Julian, and took his hand. "I think we should find a place to sit. They will start serving the BBQ dinner at 4, and this place will fill up fast at that point." Julian let her lead him to a place in the grass, where she felt they would have a good view of the fireworks later on. He honestly would have let her lead him anywhere at this point, which Caitlin planned to take full advantage. If she did this just right, she would be able to expose herself to the right emotions, learning how to control her powers, while being intimate with the man for whom she had fallen.

By the time dinner was over Julian felt on cloud nine, but a little confused. Just yesterday Caitlin had lost control after a passionate kiss. Today she couldn't keep her hands, or her lips off him. Only once in a while, would he notice her eyes lighten just a little, or a small amount of frost circle her fingers, but it always went away pretty quickly. Around 8, while standing in line to get Caitlin the cotton candy she had pleaded with him for, he decided it was time to ask her what was going on. He leaned down, and placed a quick kiss on her check, (he was loving being able to that). "Love, may I ask you something?"

"Of course, you may." Caitlin looked up at him, and gave a him her best 'What have I done?' smile.

Julian tried to swallow, noticing that once again his mouth was dry. "Not that I'm not loving all the kissing and what not; I just really want to know what it means." He grimaced nervously.

Caitlin looked a little taken back, " What do you think it means?"

"I know what it means for me Caitlin. My feelings for you have not changed. But you have never really told me what yours are; not to mention that just yesterday ..."

Caitlin cut him off, by kissing him lightly, "Yesterday, I wasn't ready for what happened. When the powers got strong, I got scared and ran. For that I am sorry." It was their turn at the counter, so Julian paid for the cotton candy, and they walked over to carnival game Cisco was playing. Cisco was intent on winning a stuffed animal to give Gypsy the next time he saw her. Julian decided he was not going to pressure her for the answer to the other part of his question. Just having her hand in his was enough, for now. However, he did really want to know exactly what had made the powers so strong, she felt she had to run. Julian stood behind her, and wrapped his arms around her waist, while they watched Cisco throwing rings at bottles.

"You know, mate, you could just go buy her one." Julian told his friend.

"No, no, not the same my friend. Not at all." Cisco said, while tossing another ring.

Caitlin jumped, and made a noise, Julian could only describe as a squeal, when the ring found its target, and Cisco finally won the animal. "Your turn, mate." Cisco said, taunting Julian holding his treasure in his hand; looking quite proud of himself.

"No, I don't think so, sorry." Julian took Caitlin's hand, so they could walk away.

She drew her hand back, "No, really. You won't even try to win one for me?"

"Caitlin, I can take you to the store and let you pick out any silly stuffed animal you want." Julian told her, reaching for her hand again.

Caitlin shook her head, "Nope, not the same. Please." She looked up at him trying her best to give him puppy dog eyes.

"Fine, but on one condition." Julian took both her hands in his, and stepped closer to her so only she could hear his condition. "I win that animal, you have tell me exactly what happened yesterday, and promise to never run away from me again."

Caitlin was suddenly scared. A tiny prick of cold, that lasted only a second, told Julian he was on to something. He stood his ground, waiting for her answer. Caitlin looked around realizing Joe, Cecile, and Cisco were all looking at them. She looked up at Julian, those damn blue eyes; the color she imagined the Caribbean sea to be; were locked on her, waiting for a response. "Okay, but I want that grey teddy bear, there at the booth where you throw the ball at the cans." She thought she was being clever, picking a game she thought he couldn't win.

"If that's the one you want, that's the one you get." Julian took her hand, and lead her over to the booth. The group went with them. Joe was now agonizing over the fact he would most likely be put up to the challenge next, if Julian managed to win his lady her prize.

Julian walked to the booth, and put his 5 dollars down on the counter. The man running the booth, let him know the rules. He had to knock down all 6 cans in order to win the bear, using only 3 balls. Five dollars would get him 3 chances. He stood examining the cans for a moment. What Caitlin and the group didn't know, was his father had insisted he go to the best private school Noble money could buy, and with that, came the expectation he would be on at least one sports team. He smiled to himself, the only one of the 5, knowing about all those years spent playing cricket. He had refused to except less than to be the best. He knew anything less, would mean letting his father down yet again. He only managed to knock down 4 of the 6 cans with the first set of 3 balls. But that was fine with him. He needed to find out how the cans were going to fall. However, with the next set of 3, he knew what he was doing. The first ball knocked down 3 cans, ball number 2, left only 1 can remaining. Julian turned around, before throwing the last ball and kissed Caitlin softly, breathing her in. Turning, threw the ball, and the grey teddy bear was his!

The man running the game, gave him the animal, reminded him he still had 3 more balls, and could go again if he wanted. Julian looked at Joe, "Come on up, mate. You can throw the last 3 for me." Joe looked at ground and groaned. When he walked up, Julian whispered in his ear, "The goal is to only knock the top 3 off with the first ball, other wise the bottom 3 are too heavy to fall." Julian gave Caitlin her prize, then pulled her into to his arms, "Looks like I win, Dr. Snow." He raised his eyebrows at her, then kissed her on her cheek, "Now I get my prize right?"

Caitlin took the teddy bear from him, and couldn't help smiling at his achievement, even though she knew now she had to tell him everything. "Hey, guys. We will meet you back at the blanket in a little bit." She took his hand, and lead him over to now deserted playground, as it was getting too dark for the kids to be playing. Julian sat on the end of the slide, and pulled Caitlin into his lap. "What should I name my little bear? I know, I will call him James. No, Indiana." Caitlin said, giving Julian a mischievous grin.

"You're stalling." Julian said, "James, if you must."

"James it is." Caitlin put the teddy bear down beside them, and looked at her hands. Why was she suddenly so nervous? She already knew the feelings she had for him, were reciprocated, but she still was scared to say the words.

"Caitlin, I am not trying to make you uncomfortable. I just need to know what happened. How am I suppose to help you, if I never know what I did wrong?" He almost sounded sad, even though he would hardly call how he felt, sad.

Caitlin placed her hands on either side of his face, so he had to look her in the eye, "You did nothing wrong Julian. Nothing."

"But you never called, you never answered about dinner. Today you're acting as though nothing happened; as though you didn't run out of my office, leaving me standing there, feeling like I just screwed up by kissing you." He pulled his face away, and looked at his hand in her lap, scared he had just screwed up again.

"I promise you, you didn't screw up." Caitlin tried to get him to look at her again. "Julian my mother and I tired to expose me to every emotion we could find. That way, I could know how I would react, and be able to maintain control. I just never thought that the feelings I have for you, would feed my powers so strongly. But now, I know what to expect, and I am ready to handle it."

Julian looked up at her again, "So, your feelings for me made you loose control, not what I did? Just what are those feelings?"

"It was a combination of both because my feelings for you were enhanced by the kiss. The loss of control made me scared, which made the reaction stronger. That made me mad at myself and so on. That's why I ran." She put her arms around his neck. "You have my promise, I won't run from you again." She kissed him, starting softly and slowly making the kiss more passionate. "Maybe, I can just show him how I feel." she thought, moving her hands into his hair.

Julian responded exactly as she was hoping; gripping the back of her dress tightly, and moving his kisses from her mouth, down her neck to behind her ears. He pulled away to look her in the eye, "I love you, Caitlin." Julian told her, still looking in her eyes, hoping to finally hear it back. Her eyes flashed icy blue only for a second, then she kissed him even harder.

Julian kissed her back for a minute, then broke the kiss. Breathing hard, he begged her, "Please, tell me Caitlin, please."

"Julian, I L..."

Suddenly, an explosion happened behind the fireworks stand. They heard screaming, and saw a fire breaking out, while it set fireworks off in all directions.

 **Please don't hate me for the cliff hanger, but there is more coming! I am trying to make Caitlin loosen up, hopefully I am not taking her to far out of character. Please tell me what you think. Thanks for reading!**


	5. Back To Frost

**A/N Sorry this one took a little longer to get out, but work got busy this last week. If the last chapter had to much Fluff for you, you will be happy this one has no fluff.**

Chapter 5. Back to Frost

Caitlin and Julian found the others running in the direction of the explosion. Joe, already on his phone, calling for help. Cisco grabbed Caitlin by the hand, "We need to find a way to put the fire out, or all the fireworks will go off."

Caitlin froze, she had only used her powers as Killer Frost. She was suddenly scared. "Cisco, I think it would be better if I just see to any wounded."

"I can't do this by my self Caitlin, with your powers you could easily have this fire out in seconds, preventing any more injuries. Let Julian and Cecile deal with the wounded." Cisco pleaded.

Caitlin shook her head, "I can't Cisco. What if I can't get back in control? We know what happened last time I used my powers completely!"

"Last time you had someone telling you what to do, Love." Julian took her hands in his, "He is not here this time. This time it's just you. No one else. No one pulling the strings or calling the shots." Julian pushed her flyaway hair behind her ear and rubbed her cheek with his thumb. "You can do this, Caitlin. I believe in you."

Another explosion rang out, and this time they heard screams. Cisco became impatient, "You have to do it now, we are running out of time!" Another explosion. More screams.

Caitlin took a deep breath and walked in the direction of the fire. Cisco close behind. Fireworks continued to go off at an alarming rate. Julian watched her walk away as long as he could before Joe grabbed him. He was relieved to see the injured were mostly workers who set off the fireworks, and only a couple of people who had been too close. No life threatening injuries either, which helped with the uneasy feeling that had settled into his stomach. Burns and people being scared he could help. Within a few minutes, there was a layer of ice covering every thing that had been engulfed in flames a moment while ago. Julian let his mind focus on helping people, and getting them to the paramedics, instead of worrying about Caitlin. She was with Cisco and in good hands. There would be time for him to worry about her later.

xXXx

Some time later, Julian was helping the last person into an ambulance, when Cisco came up behind him. "She was amazing, wasn't she?" Cisco said, looking around. "Where is she?"

Julian looked at him confused. "I thought she was with you, mate." He started looking around getting more frantic ever second he couldn't find her. His heart was racing, and he was unable to hide the fear that must have been showing in his face, Cisco grabbed his arm, "Julian, we will find her. I am sure she just wanted some privacy while she got control."

Julian was unable to accept that, although he didn't argue. Instead, he set out to start looking around the park, in all the places he thought she might have hidden to get composure. He ended up back at the playground and looked over at the slide. The little grey teddy bear was still sitting on there where she had put it while they talked. He walked over and picked it up. She had promised not to run again. "She will be back, she will be back." He continued telling himself as he sat down on the slide, where he had been only a few hours ago. Julian looked at his watch, half past 1 am. He decided to wait a little longer; he wanted to be there when she came back. Julian watched the last few people at the scene putting up the tape to keep people out, and then finally watched them all leave. Still no sign of Caitlin.

His phone rang, almost over excited, he pulled it out of his pocket. It was Cisco, "Any news mate?" Julian skipped the normal pleasantries of saying hello.

"No, I checked her apartment,and now am at STAR labs. She is not here either. Any chance she might have gone to your place?" Cisco sounded more worried than he was letting on.

Julian smiled hopefully, "I honestly don't know. She has only been there a couple times." His smile turned to a frown once he realized how new their relationship really was. Perhaps it started almost 7 months ago, but with everything going on, they really had only been together a very short time. "I will head home now and check. I am just worried that she might come back here. I don't like the idea of nobody being here if she does."

"You stay there, I will go by your place and see if she went there. I will call if I find anything." Cisco hung up.

Julian laid back on the slide, exhausted from everything that had happened in the last 48 hours. He stared at the stars, trying desperately to clear his mind of any thoughts that she ran again. After a while, he closed his eyes, and allowed himself to recall the events of the night. He remembered the way she kissed him when she first got to the park. The look on her face when he won the teddy bear. Even the way she smiled while eating the cotton candy. The last thing he remembered thinking before he fell asleep, "Come back to me Caitlin, please, come back."

xXXx

Caitlin had put out the fires, and then ran behind the buildings to try to get control. The power surging through her felt great; she didn't want to fight it.

"No, I have to fight it, I have to. I can't go back as Frost." She closed her eyes and forced herself to think of Julian. He was probably waiting for her. She knew he wouldn't leave the park until she got back there. But, the power was intoxicating. She had not let her self enjoy the power since they destroyed Savitar. Why did she have to go back? Because she loved him?

"Please, if I go back for him, I am just exchanging one man pulling the strings for another." She smiled while watching the power surge from her hands.

"Wait" She said to herself, "This man is not telling you what to do. He will let you leave if that's what you want." Sure it would break his heart, but he wouldn't stand in the way of her happiness. Would staying Frost make her happy?

"Julian makes you happy you simple girl!" Frost yelled at herself, "But so does this." Maybe, he would accept her this way. After all, he said he loved her. She grabbed her head, it was starting to throb.

"Focus Caitlin, focus." She thought of the kite from yesterday. She thought of the teddy bear. She thought of all the shared kisses with Julian. She wanted to go back, she wanted to be with him, but there was no rush.

"I don't have to decide any thing right now. Fun! That's what I want, fun." Frost took one last look back, and saw Julian and Cisco looking around. Probably looking for her. She smiled a sly smile, and took off to enjoy the night and her powers.

xXXx

The air turned colder, causing Julian to wake up. He slowly opened his eyes and shivered from the cold. His lower back ached from falling asleep in such a strange place and position. He must have been more tired than he thought. He slowly sat up and tried to stretch his back out. Looking at his watch, he groaned at the time 5:07. Knowing he would be expected at the scene soon to start processing it; he slowly stood up and finished stretching his back. As Julian bent over to pick up the teddy bear, he heard her voice; not Caitlin's voice though. It made him shiver.

"Sleeping in the park now, Romeo?" Frost drawled out, as she slowly moved toward him.

Julian stood quickly looking at her, "I was waiting for you to come back. Guess I was tired."

"Oh, isn't that cute, holding on to the little bear for me. What a thoughtful boyfriend." Frost took another step closer to him.

"I didn't think you would want to leave, little James here, behind." Julian stood still and tried to make himself smile.

"Chivalrous to a fault, aren't you, Julian? My, my, my. Do you think mommy and daddy would be proud of their heir sleeping in a park, and playing carnival games in to win cheap toys?" Frost moved even closer to him, and took the bear out of his hands.

Julian tightened his jaw, "The only person who's opinion of me that matters, is yours."

Frost ran her fingers up his arm. Julian tried not to let the cold bother him, but winced anyway at the pain it caused. "Do I frighten you Julian?"

"The only thing that frightens me, is losing Caitlin."

"Ah, but Caitlin is not here, is she? I am." Frost ran her thumb across his lips, and smiled when he shivered again from the cold.

"Caitlin is with you, as you and she are the same person." Julian was trying hard not show her any weakness, although those icy eyes did scare him more then he wanted to admit.

"Yes, and we know how you feel about your precious Caitlin, don't we? Tell me Lord Albert, do you love me as well?"

Julian knew he had to pick his next words very carefully, "Of course, I do. Like I said, you and Caitlin are the same. I love you both."

Frost grabbed the front of his shirt, pulling him down to her, so their lips were only centimeters apart, taunting him with her cold breath. Julian could feel his breath turn cold as soon as it left his body, but refused to pull away. This was Frost, not his Caitlin. The same Frost who stood in that hall way all those weeks ago, and told him she didn't love him and never had.

"The question Caitlin, is do YOU love me?" He knew he was walking a thin line, but Caitlin had told him just hours ago, her feelings for him were linked to her control of her powers. He was hoping to get her to regain control, so Caitlin could come back out.

Frost closed her eyes, and let go of him. Julian stood up looking at her concerned, "Caitlin, are you alright?"

She stumbled and almost fell, but Julian caught her in his arms and held her upright. When she opened her eyes, they were Caitlin's beautiful brown. Julian smiled at her, "Hey, you." He couldn't help the small chuckle at his own little joke, at the way they always seemed to greet each other lately.

Caitlin pulled away and stood up. "Sorry, I lost myself for a little while there."

"It's alright. I am just glad to have you back." Julian reached out to put his hand in her hair, wanting to kiss her. Caitlin moved away from him, "Please, don't."

Julian couldn't hide the hurt in his voice, "What's wrong?"

"I think I need to go home for a little while." Caitlin turned to leave.

"But you promised not to run." Julian protested.

"I am not running, just going home. I will see you later." With that she walked away leaving Julian standing there once again, wondering what had happened.

 **So more coming for sure. Tell me what you all think!**


	6. Shattered

**A/N Hello. So finally it is ready. Looks like my updates will be only once every 2 weeks. I was going to once a week and that is not working, sorry. Enjoy!**

Chapter 6. Shattered

Ever have one of those days, where you don't want to get out of bed? Even after you hit the snooze twice, something tells you to stay in bed and call off. You get up anyway, and immediately regret it, when you stub your toe on the way to the bathroom.

Ever have one of those days, when your phone rings at 5:30 in the morning, and your gut tells you to not answer. But you do anyway, only to have it be your boss saying to come in now?

Ever have one of those days, when you spill hot tea on your shirt? In your gut you know you really should call the boss back, say you don't feel well and crawl back in bed. But you head to work anyway, only to discover you have forgotten your badge, and have to go back home for it.

Welcome to Julian Albert's Monday morning. The last 4 weeks, nothing has gone his way. He has gotten addresses to crime scenes wrong, misplaced samples, and ran tests wrong. His paper work has not been the same perfection as it was in the past. He has been late on more then one occasion, he always was hard to deal with, but lately he knew people had been purposely avoiding him altogether. Now, he found himself standing in his Captain's office for the third time in as many weeks. Once again, being told how he is not doing his job up to standard.

Julian had zoned out after the first 2 minutes of Captain Singe berating him for his performance. He started thinking about the last 2 months. His mind drifting from shared kisses with Caitlin, to conversations they had. She was all he could think about. He was rerunning scenes in his mind over, and over again. Many times over the last month, he had closed his eyes at his desk and thought if he wished hard enough, Barry would be released from the speed force, and come to help him. But he knew that couldn't happen. If it was that easy they would have gotten him back already.

"So, we are putting you on administrative leave."

Julian was suddenly pulled back to reality, "Sorry, what?"

"Administrative leave. We are putting you on leave. Look Julian, you look like hell. Go on vacation. Get drunk. Get a hair cut. Get laid, for god sake. You need to figure out what is going on, and get your head on straight." Captain Singe tossed the paper work on his desk, and looked sternly at his CSI.

Normally, Julian would have let the Captain have for it for his comment. How in the world could the man think a hair cut, and sexual relations with some one, would fix the problems he had been facing. At any other time in his life, he would have insisted on a trip to HR for the comment, but today he settled for, "How long?"

"Lets start with 1 week, and go from there, shall we. I have requested a stand in from the county, and they should be here later today." Singe waved his hand at him, dismissing him from his office.

Julian walked to his lab in a daze unable to focus on anything. People may have been saying "Hi" to him, but he never heard them. Once he got to the lab, he tided up, and put things away. He picked up his lap top. While taking one last look at Barry's desk, he once again closed his eyes, wishing Barry would walk through the door, and tell him one of his disgustingly cheery stories. He decided to walk home, instead of driving. Where was he going to go anyway? The hour long walk might do him some good.

While walking back to his apartment, he started thinking about July 5th. After Caitlin had left him standing in the park, he had gone back to the CCPD, and retrieved his case to process the scene. After washing his face, and finding coffee he went back to the park. He had finished processing it by noon, and since he was suppose to have the day off, decided that reports, and tests could wait until the next day. He had headed over to STAR labs to find Caitlin in their lab. He had walked up behind her, put his arms around her waist, and kissed her behind her ear.

He had been rewarded with a smack to his right cheek. "You may not just come in here and man-handle me, Julian." Caitlin had then walked out of the lab. For the next 10 days, her moods had gone from hot to cold, and back again without warning. One moment, she would be flirting with him, the next telling him off. He kept trying to tell himself that this would pass, because she was just trying to adjust. It seemed to be at its worst, right after she had used her powers. Those times always ended the same way. He would wait at STAR labs for her to come back, no matter how long it took. She would taunt, and harass him about his feelings for her. He would try to get her to first admit hers, but always ended up telling her how much he loved her. Always bringing Caitlin back. She would never thank him, never let him hold her, always just walked away saying, "See you tomorrow."

A week and a half after the 4th, he had been sitting in the med bay, looking at a sample she had asked him to run. He had seen a marker that he thought was interesting, and asked her to come and take a look. Julian sat down in the chair to give her room. He rubbed his temples, remembering her sitting down in his lap, and leaning forward to look in the microscope. She had asked him if he had a second sample for comparison. He had to reach around her to get it, not wanting her to move. While reaching forward, he had gotten close enough to her that their cheeks had brushed against each other. When Caitlin didn't pull away, he had moved her hair out of the way with his left hand, while placing his right on her thigh. Julian remembered kissing her neck softly, her tilting her head back to give him better access. Her remembered her moaning when he had captured her lips with his. This had been the most affection she had shown him in days. They had been interrupted, when unknowingly Cisco had entered, causing Caitlin to jump out of his lap so fast, she knocked the chair over.

Julian remembered her yelling at him for being inappropriate. Cisco had tried to apologize, but Julian told him not worry, and accepted his offer to help him up. From that moment forward, everything spiraled. She would tell him he was invading her personal space if he got to close, but say he was being far to literal if he stepped away. He was accused of undressing her with his eyes, if she caught him looking at her, but was insensitive if he wasn't. She would remind him that no one likes a know-it-all, if he offered a suggestion to a meta problem, and if he stayed quiet, was told he needed to try to contribute more.

Julian got to his apartment and threw his things into the corner. Not really caring where or how they landed. He tossed his keys and phone on the table, and went into the kitchen to make some tea, but changed his mind. Hey! He was on leave, and his Captain had told him to get drunk. Why the hell not! Julian poured himself a glass of bourbon, and sat on his couch. He was about half done with his drink, when he heard his phone beep.

Yeah, ever hear your phone go off, and just want to ignore it? He really wished he had. But being Julian, he stood up went to the table, and picked up the phone. He had a text from Caitlin. Shouldn't he be excited? The text said she needed him at STAR labs now.

Ever wish you had told the person who just texted you, to bugger off? He wanted to so badly, but it was Caitlin. Instead, he texted back he was busy with work, and would come as soon as he could. Now, he had to walk back to the CCPD, and get his car so he could drive to STAR labs. Julian threw his glass at the sink, not caring that it didn't go in, but shattered on the side. Just the way he felt, shattered.

Julian had started only going in to STAR labs when Cisco would call and say they needed him. He desperately wanted to see Caitlin, but couldn't stand the constant lump in his throat every time he did. In many ways, this was worse then when she had just disappeared for 7 weeks. On his way back to the Police Department, Julian decided maybe the Captain was on to something. When he was finished at STAR labs, with whatever he had messed up this time, he would go by the barber shop, and then find a bar. Drunk sounded good right now, and who knows, maybe he would find someone who liked a British accent, and would want to spend the night with him. Julian knew that wasn't his style, but right now, who cares.

When he arrived at STAR labs, he found Caitlin in the med bay. She had the samples he had been storing there, and had forgotten about. She looked over at him, seemingly emotionless, "What are these?"

"Samples." Julian said matter of factually.

Caitlin glared at him, "I can see that. I meant of what, and why are they here?"

"They are blood sample from different Meta's. They are here, because I didn't want to work on them at the Police Department. I meant to tell you, but I guess it slipped my mind. I apologize." Julian tried to look at her without looking at her.

"What are you doing with them?"

"After the success your mother and I had with creating a cure for you, I got to thinking there maybe others who don't want their powers either. Some people like Shade, can't turn their powers on and off, they are just on. I was trying to see if I could perfect the formula without the help of your mother." Julian crossed his arms in front of him, waiting for the fight he knew was coming.

"Do these Meta's know you have these samples?"

Julian rolled his eyes, "Yes, each one knows, and has agreed to let me do the research."

"So you're going to cure us all, is that it?" Caitlin looked annoyed.

Julian rubbed his temples again, "That is hardly what I said."

"Yes, but what you say and what you do, are not always the same thing, are they?" Caitlin almost spat the words at him.

'Great, she's in a right foul mood.' Julian thought to himself. "What is that suppose to mean?"

"I seem to remember asking one very specific thing from you, and you're doing the opposite."

Julian shook his head, not understanding her meaning. "Caitlin, I really wish you would let me test to see if your powers are causing some sort of Bi-Polar type of disorder. This really shouldn't be making you so angry."

"Perhaps, if you had done what I asked, we wouldn't be in this predicament. Don't call me Bi-Polar. I am in complete control, right now, Julian." Caitlin shoved the box of samples in his hands, and walked over to her work station.

Julian put the samples back in the fridge. "Just what are you going on about?"

"My pendant. I told you not to remove it."

"You're honestly mad that I saved your life." Julian scoffed, "Brilliant. I wondered when you would finally throw that at me."

Caitlin looked shocked, "If you knew I would be upset, why on earth have you never said you were sorry."

"Sorry? I have said I was sorry a million times." Julian was at his breaking point. He could feel every emotion at once about to boil over, and had to grab the back of a chair.

"Not to me, you haven't!" Caitlin practically yelled at him.

"Is that what you want? Me to say I am sorry? Fine Caitlin, I will say am sorry, but not for that." Julian had raised his voice loud enough, that Iris had come running into the med bay to see what was going on. Julian didn't care. Let there be an audience.

He stood up as tall as he could, "I am sorry, I didn't handle my sister's death well. I am sorry, I ever went looking for that bloody stone. I am sorry I ever left London!" Julian was yelling now, causing Cisco and Harry to join them. "I am sorry I wasn't stronger against Savitar. I will forever be haunted that I was not a good enough doctor to save you, when you needed me! But I am NOT sorry, I took off the pendent and saved your life!"

Caitlin was frozen in the same place; she was surprised how upset he had gotten. "Julian I..."

"NO!" He cut her off, "I'm not done. You have been saying your bit for days, now you get hear mine. You have no idea what that was like for me. My whole world was falling apart. I was losing you Caitlin, and there was nothing I could do about it." Julian closed his eyes to let the tears he had been holding in fall. "Cisco was yelling at me to do something. HR kept going on about how you were gone. I couldn't think. I couldn't breath. I just reacted." Julian wiped the tears off his face. He took a deep breath, and in a whisper said, "You're the love of my life Caitlin. I'm sorry I couldn't be yours." Julian walked passed her, passed Cisco, Iris, and Harry, and out the door.

"Caitlin, you can't just let him leave!" Cisco told her.

Caitlin turned away, "Stay out of it Cisco."

Cisco turned on his heels and ran out of the med bay after Julian. "Like hell I am staying out of it." He found Julian in the lab at his desk. He was clearing it out and putting the tablet he kept there in a case. "What are you doing?" Cisco asked him.

"Leaving, Cisco. I can't do this any more."

"You can't just leave, Julian. She needs you, the team needs you." Cisco stood in the doorway in disbelief.

"The team will get along just fine without me, mate. We both know that. Caitlin is a strong women. She will figure this out." Julian picked up the notebook Iris had shown him. He never had put it back in her desk. He really liked to look at the little hearts. He put the notebook in his bag, and handed a small box with a card to Cisco. "Would you please give this to Caitlin for me?"

"Why not go in there and give them to her yourself?" Cisco asked, while taking the gift.

"I can't go back in there. I will just want to stay, if I see her and I can't. I just can't." Julian tried to leave, but Cisco blocked the door.

"Julian, she does love you. She told me she does. Don't do this." Cisco desperately didn't want his friend to go.

Julian rubbed his hand through his hair to hide the fact that he wiped away more tears. "She has never told me she does, Cisco. I can't keep holding on and hoping. It's killing me. Sorry, mate. I have to go."

Julian offered Cisco his hand to shake, "That's not going to do it for me Julian." Cisco gave him a hug. "Are you at least staying in town?"

"For now. I will let you know if that changes." Julian patted Cisco on the shoulder and left.

 **So, I really hoped you like it. No this is not the end, I couldn't leave it like that. I know now that the new season is on that people are giving up on Snowbert, but be assured I am not one of them!**


	7. Flight

**A/N Oh my am I sorry for how long this update took. I really hit a wall and just couldn't figure out where to take the story from there. I want so badly to finish it, but wanted my ending to at least make sense. There will be this chapter and 1 more and that will be the end. I want to thank every one for reading and sticking with me**

Chapter 7. Flight

Julian came straight home after leaving STAR labs. He had planned on a hair cut and going to a pub. But now, neither things made sense to him to do. He sat on his couch, numb from all the things which had happened over the past few weeks. Now he was sitting on his couch with his phone in his hand, contemplating calling Caitlin, and begging forgiveness for walking out. For some reason though, he couldn't quite bring himself to do it. In the back of his mind, he wasn't really sure what it would change. He went into the kitchen and found his bourbon, he had left on the counter. Two glasses later, he picked up the phone again, with shaky hands he dialed. "Please, pick up." he begged. After a few rings a familiar female voice answered the phone. "Hello." Julian took a deep breath trying to sound brave, knowing the woman on the phone would see right through it, "Mum, may I come home?"

Julian felt like his life was out of control. Nothing was going right, not his job, not his side activities with Team Flash, and most importantly, not his relationship with Caitlin. He decided going back to London for a fresh start, was the best solution. Julian's mother had agreed instantly. After about an hour talking on the phone with her, she had everything set in motion to bring him back to London. A plane ticket was bought, movers set up, and plans to have his rooms ready for him when he arrived. In about 96 hours Julian would be back at his father's estate, with Central City as just a mere chapter in his story, he would tell people at stuffy parties, and on golf courses.

After hanging up the phone with his mother, Julian grabbed his drink, settling himself on the porch to finish the bottle. Captain Singe was at least right about the drunk part. Being drunk would help him fall asleep, forget about the fight, the fact that he walked out, most importantly about the life changing phone call he had just made. No, for the rest of the night he would sit here, looking at the stars pretending Caitlin loved him, and he was just waiting for her to finish helping the team with whatever, meta they were dealing. He would deal with reality in the morning. At one point, he thought he heard knocking, but by the time he got up, tripped on the table on his porch and made it to the front door, if someone had been there, they were gone. He retreated back to the balcony and to his bourbon induced daydream. Julian didn't know what time he passed out, but he woke up to the sound of the trash men on the street below the next morning.

xXXx

Cisco went back in the Med bay to find, only Caitlin sitting at her desk holding a certain little teddy bear in her hands. He sat down beside her, placing a hand on her shoulder, "You okay?"

Caitlin nodded yes, but said "No." Cisco enveloped her in a brotherly hug, and let her cry into his chest. After a while, she finally looked up at him and asked, "Did he leave?"

"Yeah."

"Guess, I will talk to him in the morning then." Caitlin said, setting the bear back in her bottom desk drawer.

Cisco cleared his throat, "No Caitlin, I mean he left. Cleaned out his desk, he's not coming back."

"Oh Cisco, what have I done?" Caitlin put her face in her hands, overwhelmed by what had happened.

"He, uh, wanted me to give you this." Cisco placed the card and box on her desk.

Caitlin looked up. She picked up the box, staring at it for a minute. Finally, taking a deep breath, she opened up the box. Inside was a gold heartshaped locket with flowers etched on it. She opened it up to reveal a picture of her father on one side, a picture of Ronnie on the other. As Caitlin let the tears run down her face, she showed the locket to Cisco.

"He done good." Cisco said with a soft chuckle, while helping her put it on.

Caitlin turned the card over several times in her hands, before finally ripping the envelope open. She pulled out a note card, that had a picture of roses on one side with Julian's hand writing on the other. The writing read: " _Caitlin, I never noticed the beating of my heart, until the day your smile made it race. Yours, Julian."_

Caitlin sat at her desk for awhile, letting tears run down her face. Cisco had told her he would give her some time alone, leaving the room, but Caitlin hardly noticed him. She knew this was her fault. She had pushed Julian away. He had offered her his hand how many times? She just kept playing with his feeling before slapping the metaphoric hand away. When she finally looked at the clock, it was only just past 9. Surely he would still be awake.

Caitlin sent him a text, "We need to talk." She waited for several minutes, telling herself he needed time to answer. No reply came. Caitlin picked up the phone and called, he didn't answer. She could hardly blame him. Caitlin wasn't about to give up though. She grabbed her purse, setting off to the parking lot, she would just go by his apartment. He would answer the door for her. He may not respond to a text or answer the phone, but Julian was too much of a gentlemen, to leave her standing oingside his door.

Caitlin knocked several times, waited with her ear to the door, trying to listen to see if he was there. Only once, did she think she heard a soft thud, but that could have come from anywhere. After a few minutes with no answer, Caitlin left. She would have to wait until morning and go by the Police Department. Wherever he was right now, she knew he would not miss work.

xXXx

Julian came to the Police Department the next morning at his normal time. Not to work, of course, he was still on Administrative leave. No, he needed to talk to Captain Singe so he could resign. There was some kind of commotion going on this morning, a robbery from the sound of things, so Singe was not in his office. Julian took a seat outside to wait for his return.

After 20 minutes Joe walked by, noticing Julian. "Hey Julian, how are you? I thought you were on vacation, what's going on?"

Julian looked up at Joe, but couldn't really force a smile, but tired. "Just need to see the Captain."

"I think he will be in a minute. Everything alright?" Joe noticed the depressed look on Julian face.

"Uh, Yes. Everything is fine." Julian hoped Joe would buy it and, go away. He really wasn't in the mood to try explain to the older man what was going on.

"Okay, see you later." Joe could tell everything was not fine, but did not push it. The two men respected each other, but had not really formed a strong friendship. Instead, he found a reason to hang close by, hoping to overhear once the Captain showed up, which was only a couple of minutes. Joe picked up a file that was sitting on the Sargent's desk to look at, standing as close to the door Captain Singe left open.

"Julian, are you sure about this? If it's because of the Admin leave, I really think you just needed a break. You a good CSI, I don't want to lose you." Joe heard Captain Singe telling Julian.

"I am sure, sir. I have given this a lot of thought. Things are just not going in a good direction for me here. I really do think moving back to London is the best fit for me." Julian explained to his Captain.

Singe took the letter of resignation from Julian with great annoyance, putting it on his desk, "So there is no talking you out of this?"

"Sorry, no." Julian shoved his hands in his pocket.

"When are you leaving?" Singe was hoping they would have time to convince Julian to stay.

Julian ran his hand through his hair, "I will be clearing out the lab today, then my flight is on Thursday."

"Wow, so soon." Well, so much for having time. "Well good luck." Captain Singe offered his hand to Julian. They shook goodbye. Julian left the office, just after Joe tossed the file on a nearby desk, heading out the front door. He went straight to STAR labs, finding everyone gathered in the main cortex, talking about the Meta and a robbery, they had to deal with that morning. Without asking a single question, or waiting for them to stop talking, he interjected as quickly as he could, looking directly at Caitlin, "Julian is leaving."

"He left last night, Joe. I went by his place to talk, but he didn't answer. I was planning on go by the Police Department at lunch time." Caitlin told him then turned back to the monitor.

Joe shook his head, "No, you don't understand. I mean he is leaving Central City. He is moving back to London."

Cisco stood up, "What?"

"He came in this morning, resigned, he is clearing out his lab right now." Joe looked over at Cisco, "Said his flight is on Thursday."

Caitlin spun around from her work station, "Say that again." She looked scared, like watching a horror film, with the death scene about to happen.

Joe looked directly at Caitlin, "He quit Caitlin, turned in his resignation this morning. I overheard him tell Captain Singe, things were not going in a good direction for him."

"And you just let him leave?"

"I don't think I am right person to try and stop him." Joe placed a hand on her shoulder, "Do you?"

Caitlin closed her eyes; how could this be happening. How had she gone from playing carnival games with Julian, her only worry being, whose apartment they would finally end up at that night, to driving him away, all the way to London? She snapped her eyes open; the icy eyes of Killer Frost.

 **A/N Ok, I will admit, not my best work. But like I said, that wall is really big. I do hope you liked it. I have learned so much through this process. One more chapter and then I must try something new.**


	8. Worth the Wait

**A/N OMG, I am so sorry this took so long. I have been working on it a little bit at a time until I finally finished it. For some reason, my other story just is flowing so much better.**

 **Thank you to every one who read this, reviewed or followed. For my first writing ever, I had a great time and learned a lot.**

Chapter 9; Worth The Wait

Killer Frost stood outside Julian's building. She saw the moving van there recognizing some of Julian's furniture as they were loaded.

"So." She said aloud to herself, "He really is running away instead of facing me like a man." Frost scoffed. "What does Caitlin see in this guy?"

Oh, well. She knew in order to keep balance, and have Caitlin allow her out, Caitlin needed to be happy. Keeping Caitlin happy, meant keeping the Brit in America. She opened the front door to the building, and went in. Frost stood at the bottom of the stairs, looking up knowing she had to climb the five flights. She really didn't want to. Oh, it would be so much easier to just use her powers! But she had promised not to do things like that. She finally consented, and started walking up the stairs, thinking about what she was going to do to convince Julian to stay. Not that it was her task to complete. No, Caitlin had to convince him to stay. Frost knew what Julian needed to hear, and those three little words were not hers to say. They were Caitlin's to say. However, if she needed to tell him how Caitlin felt, than so be it. Once it was out there, perhaps Caitlin would finally have to face it.

Frost got up the five flights of stairs, and breezed into Julian's apartment like she lived there. The living room was empty. The movers must have taken everything out, already. She saw the table in the dinning area was still there, and some small boxes still needing to be packed in the kitchen. She heard noises coming from the bedroom. So she sauntered down the hallway in search of the Meta Human specialist she sought. Frost had never been in that room of this apartment. Caitlin had, but only once or twice, and never for any real fun. God, Caitlin was such a good girl, it made Frost's head hurt. If she had been in charge, they wouldn't be in this predicament. She would have pushed that cute brit on the bed long ago and had her way with him. But, he was Caitlin's type, not hers. The agreement Caitlin and Frost shared was, she got to come out, and play, but couldn't mess up things, like her friendships and relationships. That also meant, no boys for Frost. So if Frost wanted to have a romp, it had to be with the person Caitlin was with. Which meant, the blond brit.

"Oh Julian." Frost called from the doorway to his bedroom. "Julian cutie, are you in there?" She heard something crash on the floor. "Hope that wasn't expensive, Dr. Albert. You know Caity doesn't let me spend her money."

After a few silent moments waiting, she finally saw Julian move into her line of site. He stayed back from the doorway though, near the bed, like he was afraid to come any closer. "Frost? What are you doing here?"

"Now that's a first. You never call me Frost. Always insist on sticking to Caitlin, even though she is hidden away." Frost smiled. "I like the way it sounds on your lips."

Julian put the pieces of the snow globe he had broken down on the bed and wiped his hands off on his pants. "Well, I figured it was time I gave up trying to make you the same person, when you are so clearly not. Time really for me to give up on a lot of things."

"So sad." She took a couple steps inside the room. "Caitlin has never let me out while in this room. Not that she ever really let herself out in this room. Too bad, because now you're running away."

Julian stammered, "I...I am not running. Who said...why would you think...I was running?"

"Moving van. Plane ticket sitting on the counter. Quit your job. If you're not running, what is all that for?" Frost took a few steps closer to Julian.

He stood his ground though. Julian had gotten use to dealing with Frost over the last month or so. If she wanted to hurt him, she would have done it already. "I needed a fresh start, things just are not going well here."

"So, not even a good bye for Caity?" Frost ran her hand up his right arm.

Julian shivered only slightly at the cold. "I thought she would not want to see me again."

"Oh, how wrong you are. She is in love with you, you idiot." Frost sat on the bed and started making little ice circles in the air, just for fun. They would fall to the floor and smash into tiny pieces.

Julian stared at her for a moment, unsure how to respond. "Why hasn't she told me, if its true?"

"She is too chicken. Scared something will happen to you. You know her track record when it comes to romance. Better to keep you at arm's length." Frost stood back up and closed the distance between them.

"Nothing is going to happen to me. She doesn't have to worry." He honestly hoped, somehow Caitlin had heard him.

Frost pressed herself against Julian. He could feel her heart beat, her breasts heave up and down while she breathed, and the cold from her skin. "Frost, you know we can't be this close to each other for long."

"I thought you said nothing was going to happen to you? Don't you find me attractive as well, Julian?" She ran her nose along his jaw line.

Julian got a shiver, but not exactly from the cold. "Of course I do, but it's Caitlin I want. We both know that. I have tried so hard to make you the same person, you're not, and Caitlin is the one I am in love with."

"Yes, and besides kissing me would be fatal, now wouldn't it." She leaned up on her tiptoes to get her lips as close to his as she could. "What a shame, you could have at least given me the goodbye kiss. Wouldn't you like that Julian, to give Caitlin just one last kiss?"

Julian moved his hands up, and gently stroked Frosts cheek with the back of his right hand, "Yes, I would. I would love to hold her, to tell her how much I love her. But it always ends the same way, she walks away and my heart breaks, once again."

"What a stupid, stupid woman. She can't walk away this time Julian. I won't let her. Tell her what you want her to hear, I am not fighting her, she can hear you." Frost put her arms around Julian's neck, making sure to not touch his bare skin.

Julian figured he had nothing to lose, he was leaving for London in a couple of days, might as well give it a try. He put his left arm around Frost's waist and held her close to him, ignoring the cold. "I love you Caitlin, I always have, always will. Leaving is the hardest thing I have ever tried to do, but we can't continue the way we have, it's killing me." Julian put his hand in Frost's hair closed his eyes, and leaned in, "Good bye Caitlin." He whispered quietly, and figured what the hell, then he kissed Frost.

Her lips weren't cold like he expected, but warm and tasted like Caitlin's strawberry lip gloss. He sank into the kiss, and let himself get lost in the fantasy that he was kissing Caitlin. After a moment, he decided to be daring, so he parted his lips, and pushed his tongue into Frost's mouth. Her breath was warm, and sent a feeling to his stomach that made him pull her tighter against him. Julian's mind was reeling. Frost was kissing him back, but all he could feel was his Caitlin in his arms, on his lips, in his senses. Once he finally needed air, Julian pulled away slightly and opened his eyes. He wasn't looking at Frost. He was looking into the warm, beautiful brown eyes of Caitlin.

Julian leaned back, so he could just look at her, "Caitlin?"

She gave him a small smile, "I am sorry, Julian. I am so sorry I made you feel you have to leave."

Julian relaxed his grip around her waist and let his right hand slip down to her shoulder. "You didn't make me feel like I have to leave. It was a choice I made, based on what I thought...think is best for both of us."

"How is you leaving, the best for both of us?" Caitlin pulled away from him, and stood with her arms crossed over her chest.

Julian looked at his feet, "We are both hurting, Caitlin and can't seem to get past whatever it is that is causing the hurt."

"So you thought leaving, would make us both feel better. You're wrong. It will only make us, at least me, hurt more." Caitlin reached out and fixed his collar, which had gotten turned up when they kissed.

Julian looked up at her, "No, it won't make me feel better. I will feel like crap for a long time. But Caitlin, I keep helping ground you, and pouring my heart out, only to..." He shook his head, not wanting to finish the thought.

"Only to what? Tell me, I need to hear it." Caitlin took his hands in hers.

He looked at their joined hands, "Only to have you break it." He whispered, not really wanting to say it outloud.

Caitlin touched Julian's cheek softly, "You're right, and so is Frost."

Julian locked his eyes with hers. "How so?"

Caitlin smiled, her eyes got brighter, "I have been keeping you at arm's length, because I am scared of what might happen if I tell you the truth. But not telling you, is hurting us both." She took a deep breath. "I love you, Julian Albert."

Julian's smile went from ear to ear. He couldn't believe he was finally hearing, what he had been hoping to hear for so long. "I love you Caitlin." Julian pulled her close to him and kissed her again passionately.

xXXx

Later, when they were tangled together on his bed, with nothing but a thin blanket he found which hadn't been packed yet, Caitlin laid with her head on his chest, running her fingers up and down. "Please stay Julian, I don't want you to go to London."

Julian wrapped his arms around her tighter. "I am not going anywhere, love. I have everything I need right here."

THE END

 **A/N I can't believe I finally finished it. Yes!**


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